Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Willow and Spike
Summary: Willow helps Spike with his chip and a few other things.
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with `Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. The show and characters belong to Joss Whedon
Spoilers: The Initiative, Season 4
Feedback: Yes
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~Part: 1~
Spike stood in the shadows, waiting, biding his time. This time he had to be patient. There was too much at stake to risk blowing it now. He scanned the crowd as the students entered the courtyard. He knew she would be here. Spike took his cigarettes out and lit one. He pulled the warm smoke into his long dead lungs. He closed his eyes, focusing on what needed to be done. Spike knew this was the only opportunity he would have to get close to the witch. He had to make it count.
Spike scanned the crowed again. There it was.a flash of red. He moved behind the moving crimson flash as it separated from the rest of the happy meals with legs. He knew that she was aware of what could happen if she strayed from the pack. `What was she thinking?' he thought, smiling to himself. This was just too easy for him to have been wrong about making the witch his mark. He waited until she was almost to the warm, well lit safety of her dorm room entrance to make his move.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow stepped out into the night air. This was the only day that her classes kept her until after dark. She knew that she was taking a risk walking at night, but she knew that Buffy was too concerned with her Thanksgiving dinner to walk with her today. Besides, Willow felt like she needed to be on her own more, less reliant on others. So rather than bother her friends with walking her home, she would just do it by herself.
She walked toward her dorm room, but just as she was about to round the corner she felt a cold hand touch her bare arm.
"Red?" a raspy voice questioned.
Willow knew she should run, but something inside her just didn't care. The redhead knew he couldn't or wouldn't bite her. She stepped closer as if she was the moth being drawn to the flame.
"I need your help." Spike stepped into the edge of the light so she could get a look at his face. Not a lot of it, just enough to let her know who had a hold of her.
Willow felt her breath catch in her throat. He looked much worse than he had last night when he had tried to bite her. He had a couple of bruises on his face and a cut above his eye. She could tell that he had been in a fight. His eyes kept flashing from blue to yellow, she assumed from hunger. After all, she knew he couldn't bite.
He leaned in closer and whispered. "I need a safe place to hide." Then, as if to answer any questions about what else might have had happened last night he continued, "I got away when they attacked the dorms, but then got jumped by two more blokes who just wanted a fight. I managed to get away from them, somehow. I am so hungry I can't think." His eyes flashed yellow and he struggled with his true face.
Willow knew this was wrong; she shouldn't even be standing here listening to him. She should just walk away. He was only barely in control of his demon. Chip be damned, he could still hurt her.
Willow felt a shiver run down her back at the thought and still her feet stayed firmly rooted to the ground.
Spike managed to force his demon back and look straight into Willow's eyes. "Please."
`That is it,' she thought. `All he had to do was say please.' "Okay, the first thing we've got to do is get you some place where there is blood and is a safe distance from the school." Willow was shocked to hear her own voice so steady as she started planning the vampire's escape.
"I love the way you think, Red." Spike smiled. If he just stayed on track this would work. He could see the concern in her eyes. His demon danced with glee. She was going to help.
"First things first. Let's get away from campus. Less commandoes that way." Willow offered her support to Spike as they moved from shadow to shadow until they were away from the campus. When they came to the corner of Maple and Pine Streets Willow paused, uncertain of what to do. If she went right on Maple then she would be on her way to Giles'.and have to explain that she had decided, for the entire Scooby gang, that they were going to help their mortal enemy live now that he was neutered. She hadn't even told them about the attack in the dorm room yet . . . Or, they could head left on Maple and go to her parents' place . . . which was further from the college and less likely to be on the commandoes patrol route. She thought about it and then turned to the left. She could make this decision for herself; she didn't need to make it for everyone else. She knew that there were two blood bags in the fridge at her parents' place. Always knew she would need them for something and they should tide Spike over until the sun rose when she could go for more.
Spike hadn't realized how well his plan was working until he noted that she had turned away from the Watcher's place. Hell, he had tried everyone he knew already. The problem was that he mostly knew demons, and the few humans he did know were not going to help him. Then a flash of the night before in Willow's dorm room had sped through his mind. The feel of Willow beneath him, the sound of the blood rushing her veins . . . her fear had been so thick in the air that he could still taste it if he closed his eyes. That was when he realized that all he had to do was find Willow.
When he had looked up Buffy and Willow's room last night, their class schedules had come up on the screen as well, and he knew this was his only chance to get Willow alone. After the way she had reacted to him not being able to bite her, he knew she was the only one who might help him. So he had waited for her outside of the building her late night class was held in, hidden in the shadows waiting for her to come out and hoping that no soldiers passed by. Spike felt Willow stop walking and he looked up to see her at the front door of a dark house. As he studied the house he noticed that unlike the other houses on the street this one seem uninviting.
"Where are we, luv?" he asked.
"My house, where my parents stay when they are in town," she explained as she unlocked the door. She stepped inside and turned on the entryway light. "Come . . . "
"Red, are you sure about this? I can always hide in the garage . . ." Before he could finish Willow cut him off. Spike had to hide his smile as she said her next words. This was working perfectly.
"Come in Spike." She turned and took off her coat. "I guess I am feeling about as low as I can get right now. If this is a bad decision, then I will suffer the consequences of that choice alone. I won't drag my friends into this." Her resolve face was firmly in place. "Now, come in here and I will get you cleaned up. I have two bags of blood that will have to tide you over until I can get back into town to get some more."
Willow helped Spike remove his duster. "Okay. Let's get you up stairs to the bathroom."
Once in the bathroom Willow wet a washcloth and began to clean the wounds on his face. Once she was done with the nasty cut over his eye, she noticed that he was holding his ribs. As she looked closer at his chest, she realized that there was blood on his shirt.
"Take your shirt off," Willow said as she reached out to help.
"If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask, luv." Spike smirked. He reached down to the hem of his shirt and started to pull it over his head when the ribs that were broken offered resistance.
Willow stepped up and helped him remove his shirt the rest of the way. Willow knew the best way to handle this situation was to ignore his comment, and she started to clean the blood off his chest. There were a couple of deep gashes along his torso.
"Is it bad?" Spike asked. He knew the one on his left peck was very deep, but the one on his ride side was at just the right angle so he couldn't quite see it. He tried to straighten up, but ended up merely shifting the broken ribs causing him to hiss in pain.
"I know the cut is deep, but what is deep enough to scar a vampire? Besides, I thought vampires liked pain? " Willow's voice was soft, but there was cold edge to it. She paused for a moment. "Looks like it is trying to heal."
Spike leaned in to her. "I can show you a wonderful world of pain, luv. You just let me know when you deserve it and I will take you places your wolf could only dream of."
Willow felt him stiffen as her fingers brushed his skin and then he leaned in to sniff her hair. Willow drew in a deep breath and met his gaze. She was not surprised to find golden eyes staring at her with unencumbered hunger. It was the promise in those amber orbs that sent a shiver of fear down her spine. She watched as he sniffed the air. His tongue darted out between his lips, tasting the air. She knew he was aware of her fear.
He could hear her heart pounding in her chest. He could hear her blood running just under her skin like an untapped fountain. Willow's body was humming so loudly that his demon was swaying in time to the steady thump, thump of her heart. He couldn't control his demon. His true face came sliding to the fore as he leaned in and sniffed her hair again, memorizing her scent.
Willow had froze as soon as Spike brought up Oz. Did Spike somehow know that she hadn't been enough for Oz? That Oz had left her after a night or two with a real woman? Could Spike smell her weakness all over her?
"I will go warm you some blood. Why don't you change into this?" Willow said as she tossed a pair of sweat pants at him and turned to leave the room.
Before Willow could leave the room Spike reached out and pulled her backward into his chest. Making sure that she was trapped in his arms, he leaned into the crook of her neck. He could hear her heart pounding in her chest, but she made no move to pull away. He reached up with his hand and tilted her head just slightly to one side, giving him more room to inspect the creamy canvas of her neck. Willow made no move to change the situation. She truly didn't care what happened to her, and it was just how Spike wanted her. He felt a smile creep across his lips. She was almost ready for him. Spike decided this was a good moment to test the waters.
"What's the matter, luv? Did the stupid wolf find something better and then split the scene?" he purred as he placed his lips on the spot just below her ear. He didn't kiss her, just felt the softness of her skin against his lips.
"Do you want blood or do want to piss off the one person who is helping you?" Willow asked with a faltering voice. Spike released her and pushed her toward the door.
"I will need blood in order to heal properly," he whispered through his fangs as they began to elongate. Just the mention of blood tugged at the strings of his restraint.
Willow returned to the bathroom a few minutes later with two mugs of blood. Spike had smelled the blood as soon as she had opened the bags downstairs. He looked up at her as she came into the room and she handed him the mugs. His face shifted as he grabbed them from her hands. Both mugs went down quickly and he handed them back to her with a mumbled `thank you'.
Willow knew better than to say anything to him about it. She just took the mugs and walked out of the room. Spike stood and followed her down to the kitchen.
"What are you doing, luv?" Spike asked as he watched her move around the kitchen.
"I need to get some dinner and then we are gonna get some sleep. I have to leave early in the morning for class and I will need to go back to the dorms to shower and change first. Then at lunch I will bring you more blood," she said as she made a sandwich.
Spike couldn't believe the way she was already planning ahead for his needs. She was truly an innocent angel cloaked in fire. He smiled as he watched her eating, never looking up at him. Without a thinking he reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. He could see her broken heart hanging ever so tenderly on her shirt sleeve. Her sadness was like a blanket thrown about her shoulders.
Once Willow had finished her meal, she began to clean up the kitchen. When that was done she went to look for Spike. He had been missing for more than twenty minutes and was way too quite for her taste. She found him sitting on the couch with one of her father's bottles of scotch.
"What are you doing?" she asked almost startled.
"A little night cap before bed." Spike patted a spot on the couch next to him. "Why don't you come join me? I am sure that your father won't even know that it is missing. Besides, how long has it been since they were even here?"
Willow hadn't even noticed her feet moving until she felt the couch against her back. She had so much stress in her life lately. Most of the time she didn't even feel like her skin fit. Spike handed her the bottle and watched as she sipped from it.
"That is not a drink." His tone was gruff as he hit the bottom of the bottle and the burning liquid splashed down her throat.
Willow gagged as she swallowed the liquor. Still, she held her own and handed the bottle back to him. "It has been awhile. I'm not really sure how long, to tell you the truth. I stay at the dorms most of the time." She didn't want to talk about her mom and dad so she changed the subject. " I'm gonna go to bed." She stood and quickly left the room.
Spike didn't push the conversation any more when saw her stand and move out of the room. He decided that since he was spending the whole day alone tomorrow he would make the most of tonight. And he followed Willow up the stairs.
Willow never knew he was behind her until she went to change her shirt. She had it half way up her stomach when she felt his eyes burning a hole in her exposed skin. She never turned around.
"What are you looking at?" she asked. Her voice was shaking, setting all her insecurities out in front of this demon. Someone that she knew would betray her once he knew the depth of her secret.
"You, luv." His voice was a soft, sensual purr. Watching as her level of discomfort rose under his appraisal.
"Why?" Willow knew that one word had been laced with her disbelief. `Why would he want to look at me?' her mind screamed. Her fingers dropped the hem of the shirt and she spun around, meeting his eyes. Willow walked over to the door and slammed it in his face.
"Oh now come on, luv. Is that any way to treat me?" Spike knew he was baiting her. He had never thought that she would be changing when he looked into her room, so he had decided to see how long it would take for her to notice him.
"You sleep in the room across the hall . . . less light. Good night, Spike," came the muffled reply as the light in her room turned off.
Spike stood there for a moment and listened to her climb into bed. He listened until he could hear the soft, steady rhythm of her breathing as she drifted off to sleep before leaving and going across the hall to the room she had told him was his to use.
Spike climbed into bed, and as he drifted off to sleep with a full belly, he did it with a smile on his face. Things were working out better then he had hoped. Maybe he wouldn't have to be as patient as he had first thought.
~Part: 2~
Willow stood in the middle of Oz's room. Everything was gone. He hadn't said a word to her about sending for his stuff. And yet she found herself standing in a room that was empty. She closed her eyes, willing the tears away. She wouldn't cry over this; it was what she deserved. Nobody could love her, not really. She should have known that he wouldn't come back. Willow used all the willpower she had to stop the tears, but they fell anyway. Even though she knew it was hopeless, she tried desperately to stop the sobs from escaping. They racked her body as they fought for their right to be heard. Willow felt like she was drowning in a flood of emotions, unable to find her way up to the surface.
Willow knew that it was a useless fight, one that she would never win. She gave in to the pain in her heart and let the tears fall, her sobs echoing viciously around her. Mocking her. Oz wasn't coming back. He was not just getting his head straight; he was gone and he had left her behind. Just like her parents had been trying to do for years. Willow took one last look around the room through watery eyes before she left the room. She had to get out of there. There was just too much to remind her of her pain.
It was still hard for Willow to accept the fact that things were over, mostly because she felt so left out of the decisions, which were supposedly made for her benefit. After all, Oz hadn't asked her what she had wanted; he had thought that he knew what was the best for the both of them. Willow had walked into the room to find him packing to leave, the decision already having been made. Oz may have taken that away from her, but she still had the right to make her own choices in life. And since then, she hadn't been able to control her feelings or her magic. In her mind, she was back in the school lab with the beakers and flasks floating around her as the magic had built. It was her heart that gotten in the way. She couldn't just condemn Oz to a live like that. Now she wished she had. Then they would both be living the same kind of existence. Willow shook those thoughts away and knew in her heart that it was time she took control over something in her life.
She reached up and brushed the tears away and walked out the door. As it clicked shut behind her, she choked on an unreleased sob. Her life as she had grown to know it was now over, and she was so alone. Willow shook her head as if it could somehow remove the thoughts from inside her head. She had hoped that Oz would be the exception to the rule, but now she could see that she had only been fooling herself into getting hurt. Again.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow knew that she needed to get blood for Spike before she went home, but she was hoping that a quick stop by her dorm room would result in finding Buffy and having a little girl comfort time.
Willow hadn't been at the dorm much since her break up with Oz. She had so many memories of her and Oz that sometimes it was just hard to be there. She had spent most of her time either in class or at the library, but now that Spike was staying at her parents' house she felt like she needed to be there with him to make sure he didn't pawn everything in the house. Willow wasn't sure why she was even helping him. As she started to think about that night, she wondered what had happened to him. Who had been able to beat down a master vampire so badly that he was willing to come to her for help? Maybe this was what she needed to get her mind off things; maybe she needed to help Spike.
Willow opened the door to her dorm room and walked in. Buffy was talking to Giles on the phone. Nobody else could make Buffy frown so much. Whatever he was saying, it wasn't what the blonde wanted to hear. Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but Giles must have made his point clear because Buffy just scowled and hung up.
"Hey, Wills. Where you been?" Buffy asked.
Willow opened her mouth to tell Buffy what was wrong, but as soon as she thought of the empty room that had been a source of so much happiness in her life, she choked on the emotions within.
Buffy saw Willow's eyes fill with tears. Buffy knew all too well what was about to happen. And she knew she needed to get out of there before she spent the whole night listening to Willow cry over Oz again.
"Listen, Giles just called to tell me that I am needed over there, and after that I am meeting Riley. So I will catch you in class tomorrow." Buffy said quickly.
Buffy knew that she should take the time to help Willow, but she just couldn't stand the way Willow was handling her break up with Oz. It would have been better if Willow had done what Buffy did when she and Angel broke up. Willow should have just taken off and worked it out on her own. She was the slayer she just didn't have time for this. Buffy opened the door and took off without another word.
Leaving Willow to stare after her. Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. `Well, I guess I'll head back to the house. At least I know Spike will be happy to see me, even if it is because I am bringing him something to eat,' Willow thought as she packed an extra bag of clothes. `I think I will stay at the house for awhile,' she thought as she walked out the door.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow increased her pace as the door to Willie's swung shut behind her. It was broad daylight and she had never been so scared in her life. She was helping to hide the Scoobies' mortal enemy. And the worst part was that she was glad she was doing it. `You know, doing my part to make a small difference in a world of evil.' Willow smiled to herself and shook her head. That didn't sound good when she said it to herself, but she had bought it when Spike had said it.
Then again he looked so vulnerable when he had asked for her help. `He came to you, not anybody else. He came and asked you for help,' a little voice whispered in her ear. Willow shook her head. No point in letting her thoughts take that path to despair. Willow lowered her eyes to the pavement and picked up her pace. She was afraid to run into anyone she knew. `How would I explain the bags of blood?' Besides, since Oz had left she hadn't felt like herself. She knew she had a broken heart and that was part of the problem. Willow couldn't help but feel like there was a little more to it than that. This was more about the effect that her broken heart was having on her. She knew she was walking on a short road to despair. She was now living with an evil legend. She had even gone so far as helping him to survive now that he was harmless. Willow shook her head; she doubted that even a chipped Spike could be harmless.
Willow was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Anya until she bumped right into the ex-demon. Without letting go of her bag or looking up at the person she had just run into, Willow mumbled an "I'm sorry," and then just kept moving. Anya was left to stare at Willow's retreating form, wondering if all human women were so rude to their best friend's orgasm friend.
The rest of the walk back to her parents' house was uneventful. Willow unlocked the door and walked into the house. She put the bag and her keys on the table and then took of her coat. Willow hung up the coat, grabbed the bag of blood and went to put it in the fridge. The redhead knew that she had the bottom of the house to herself for a few more hours. Until the sun set the first floor was filled with the fading sun's rays. Willow fixed a sandwich and grabbed a soda from the fridge. She walked back into the entryway and picked up her book bag.
Willow didn't noticed when the sunset. She had immersed herself in her homework, and before she knew it, she found that is was done. School work had always been something she could lose herself in. There was this special place she would always find when she used her mind. Willow felt like there was nothing she couldn't do when it came to her mind. She knew that sometimes she overdid it, but it was the only thing about her that was good enough to offer to the people around her.
The witch let her mind drift. Things had been off for her since Oz had left. Their last few days played over and over in her mind. She had known that something was wrong. Why hadn't she just trusted herself? The thing between Oz and Veruca; Willow had seen that coming. She just hadn't known what to do about it. How could she compete with Veruca? Veruca was a werewolf and a musician. She was wild. And that was all it took to tare apart everything that her and Oz had built.
Willow felt the tears she had sworn not to shed again building up in her eyes as she thought of the morning she had found Oz with Veruca. Their scratched, naked bodies intertwined. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what had happened. Willow knew then, in that one single heart breaking moment, that she and Oz were not meant to be. Willow knew she had fooled herself into believing that all of the moments between her and Oz had been real, filled with love. To Willow's surprise, it had only taken a few days and a werewolf whore to tear their sturdy foundation to the ground.
The redhead knew what she was. She didn't need anybody else to tell her. Her parents leaving her when she was so young had cemented it. They never really wanted a child, so they had gotten away from her as soon as they could. She should have learned right then and there. Why would anybody else want her when her own parents didn't? They had taught her at an early age that she was more of an inconvenience than anything else. Willow felt the tears in her eyes break through the dam and fall onto her cheeks.
"Pet, who are those tears for?" Spike asked from the doorway.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Spike had been lying awake in bed when she had come home, but he knew the sun would keep him in his room for a little while longer. He had been in the house for a few days now. And with nothing to do, he was starting to feel the effects. He needed to find a way to remove his chip, restore himself to his former glory. There had to be a way to get the bloody chip out. He would not spend the rest of his existence like this. Spike could feel himself becoming upset. He needed to think about something else.
He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the sounds Willow was making: the beat of her heart, the steady rhythm of her breathing, the sound of the pages being turned, of pen scribbling on paper as she took notes. Spike realized then that he could feel everything she was feeling. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He could almost taste her emotions in the air.
They drifted up to him through the walls and hallways of the house. He had a fleeting thought: it was almost as if her magic was somehow affected by her state of mind, or that her emotions were focusing her magic.
`Could she be that powerful?' he asked himself. Just because he had never really felt this kind of power from her before didn't mean it was impossible. `I could feel the fear rolling off her in delicious waves when I kidnapped her and the moron to do the love spell for me. Hell, that was even why I almost lost focus and decided to have a little taste of her instead of making her do the spell to get Dru back. No, not going to think about that ungrateful bitch . . . there is no good that can come form that.' Then again, the redheaded witch hadn't been under the kind of stress and turmoil back then that she was experiencing now . . .
Spike relaxed and let the feelings wash over him. The fear, the despair; it was all there. She was feeling just about every emotion that could possibly appeal to his demon. Her magic left a spicy taste in his mouth. He could almost taste her blood. Spike smiled as his mind went to work on ways to use this new discovery to his advantage.
Spike sat up in the bed when he smelled salt in the mixture of emotions. Then he heard her gentle sobbing and knew he could wait no longer. He got up and went downstairs. He wanted to help twist the knife, watch while she wallowed in misery. Why should he be the only one getting buggered by life?
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow jumped when she heard his voice, the mocking way in which he had asked who the tears were for. She had almost forgotten that he was here.
"Nobody," Willow said. With a wave of her hand the tears where gone. She didn't look up at him.
"Nobody? I doubt that luv. You're not the kind to cry over nothing." His voice mocked her as he spoke, letting her know that he knew better. He also wondered if she knew that she had just performed an essentially perfect spell.
Spike could smell the magic in the room; it was thick in the air. He wondered if the girl was even aware of the fact that her magic was so close to the surface. She was getting stronger and stronger the older she got. His demon was filled with anticipation at the prospect of what this girl could mean for getting his chip out.
Spike walked into the room. He kept his eyes on Willow. She was a wonder to behold. She was so innocent it was hard to believe that she was holding more power in that tiny body than he had ever felt from a witch of her age before. Spike walked over to the couch and sat down next to Willow.
He watched her face as he sat next to her. She was afraid of him, of what he might do. And she was so unsure about herself. He didn't need for her to tell him that the wolf had left her. He could just barely smell the wolf's scent on her now and in a few days it would be gone entirely. He just needed to know why and how the wolf ended up out of the picture. He didn't want to push her. Not yet, anyway. He needed her, and that was not a point that he wanted to be reminded of.
Willow watched as Spike sauntered into the room with cat- like grace and deposited himself next to her on the couch. He sat there like he didn't have a care in the world, watching her with those smoky blue eyes. She knew he was thinking about something, though his is face gave nothing away.
Willow's eyes drifted lower as she noticed that he was not wearing a shirt. `All that well-muscled, ivory skin exposed to any who dared a peek.' She briefly wondered if looking like that was a special perk reserved for vampires upon being turned. The power, the confidence, the knowledge that if you played all your cards right you could have the world in the palm of your hand. He knew that his body was a work of art and how to use it.
Spike felt her eyes on him and stretched. Raising his arms over his head, he displayed his body for her, like a cat sunning itself. He heard Willow's heartbeat pick up a beat or two as she watched his show. He knew that she was hurting, and he knew that it was easy to manipulate someone in her position.
Spike smiled at Willow as a plan formed in his head. He knew that something else had happened even if Willow wasn't willing to tell him. Something had happened to rub salt in the wound the wolf had left. Has the redhead reached out to her friends only to end up at home with him? Spike smiled as he leaned over and touched Willow cheek.
"You do realize that I know more about heartbreak and betrayal than anyone else. I might be just what you need to take care of this little problem you are having." Spike spoke softly as he made his offer.
Willow lifted her eyes to meet his and froze when she saw the truth in his eyes. He knew what it was like to be betrayed by the one for whom you would give your life. He knew what it was like to lose everything, to end up alone and with no one to turn to. Willow felt her head nodding before she had even really thought about it.
Spike saw the timid nod of her head and pulled her into his arms. He felt her tears soaking his skin and he smiled.
Her `friends' were so unconcerned with Willow that they had pushed her right into his arms and after tonight it would be the last place she would ever want to leave.
~Part: 3~
Spike smiled as he listened to the microwave beep. The scent of warmed blood reached his nose as he heard the creek of the second stair. She was bringing him his dinner. Since the night he had held her while she cried, she had started to do things for him, little things.
The first night that Willow had brought him here, she had warmed his blood and brought it to him. But after that first night it had stopped. Then he had found the clean mug sitting on the counter in front of the microwave, its door ajar and the time set. All he had had to do was grab the container of blood and dump it in the cup and pop it in the microwave. The night after that, though, the cup sat next to the sink and the microwave was not set. The creek of the stairs pulled him from his thoughts. Once she reached the door she knocked softly, waiting for a moment before she opened the door and slipped inside the room. Willow walked over and placed the mug on the bedside stand.
Spike just lay there and watched her as she slipped into his room and placed the mug on the table. He had thought about just letting her leave the cup and go. His demon, however, demanded that he speak. It craved her reaction.
"Red." His voice was a silky whisper that held no sign of sleepiness. He sighed softly as she reacted to his voice. Her surprise was shown in fear and it washed over him in a wave. His demon was sedated by the purity and strength of the emotion. There was just something about the way the magic seemed to help enhance the emotions that she projected.
Willow spun around wide-eyed and looked at the bed. In the darkness of the room she could just make out the smile that danced across his face. Her eyes narrowed and she tried to focus her anger as she spoke.
"Spike, why do you have to keep doing that?" It was something that she felt he was starting to do too regularly. Something about scaring her seemed to appeal to him. `Well duh, he is a demon. Of course he likes to scare people,' a small voice taunted in her head.
He chuckled. She wanted him to think that she was mad about him scaring her. Her voice however, came out sounding more tired then angry. He shook his head and sat up in the bed. Spike made a special show of stretching out his body. He noted her increased heartbeat as the sheet slid down his abdomen and pooled in his lap. Once his hard pale chest was revealed to her wondering eyes she noticed that it seemed to glow in the dim light of the room. Her hands wanted so badly to touch the skin that lay exposed before her. Willow sucked in a deep breath and released it in a shuddering sigh as her feet took her a step closer to the bed.
Spike watched as her eyes drank him in. He could smell the faintest scent of arousal in the air, but it was soon overpowered by her fear and embarrassment. Suddenly, she moved to the door of the room.
"I . . . I need to . . ." she stammered as the phone started to ring. "I need to get the phone," and she bolted out of the room. Her heart was pounding in her chest when she answered the phone.
"Hello," Willow answered, somewhat breathlessly.
"Hey, Wills. I called the dorm and Buffy said you were staying here for a while. What's up?" Xander asked.
"Nothing." Willow knew that she had answered that somewhat hastily. She was trying to come up with something else to say to him when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned to find out what it was and she found Spike walking toward her wearing nothing but a pair of sweats. They were too big for him and hung low on his hips, revealing the fine curve of his hip bones and a light scattering of golden brown hair. . . making her wonder what lay below the waistband of those sweats.
Spike could feel her eyes on him as he entered the room, but he paid her no attention, he walked in and flopped down on the couch. He was listening to the moron trying to get her attention back on him and what he was saying. Spike watched her face, waiting until she raised her eyes to meet his. In the mean time, he tried to match her current facial expression to the emotion that flashed across her face. She liked what she saw. He felt a twinge in his cock as she began to nibble her bottom lip as she continued ogled his body. Her eyes traveled over his stomach and then on to his chest, so smooth, so muscled. His shoulders, his neck, his lips looked so kissable twisted in that bad boy sneer. Sneer! Willow's eyes snapped up just a touch further to find his blue eyes filled with amusement. And that was when Xander's voice broke through the fog in her mind and she felt her face heating up as the realization of being caught sunk in.
Willow felt her throat tighten and her mouth tasted like clay. She managed to recover enough to talk to Xander.
"Yeah, Xand. I'm here." She turned her back to Spike so she could concentrate on what her best friend was saying. "No, I don't feel like the Bronze tonight. No, I'm sure. No, I'm fine. Okay, bye." Willow hung the phone up. She didn't feel like being around people right now. Since Oz left, she felt like she deserved to be alone. No one should care for her. How could anybody love her; she knew what she was. Didn't they?
Spike was disappointed when Willow turned her back on him to finish her call. But once she hung up the phone he felt this wave of despair wash over him, followed by self-loathing. He wondered what she had to hate herself for. He didn't know, but he was going to find out. He had begun this game knowing he could use her to get what he wanted. He hadn't changed his mind about it, but now added to the mix was this fascination he was developing for her, her reactions to things. `Besides,' he told himself, `to really be able to get what I want I'll have to get to know her as well as I can. It also helps pass time.'
"Red, luv?" Willow didn't turn and look at him right away.
She just stood there, her body stiff. Spike stood and moved toward her.
"Willow, what's wrong?" His demon danced in circles as she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Tell me what it is?" his voice was soft, almost coaxing her to believe in him.
Willow just blinked. He almost sounded like he cared, but she knew better. No one really cared about her. She just about jumped out of her skin when his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close.
His body was cool as it brushed against her uncovered flesh, raising goose bumps along her heated skin. He placed her head on his shoulder and just stood there holding her. He could feel his demon calming in response to her being so close. His demon had been on edge since his escape from the commandoes. He chuckled at the path his thoughts had taken. A master vampire didn't think like that about a human. A sire yes, a human no.
Willow tried to pull away. He was laughing at her. "What is so funny?" she asked.
"You." As soon as the word left his mouth Willow began to struggle, trying to remove herself from his grasp. Spike smiled and held her closer. "Here you are, this pretty young lady and you let a wolf and a slayer, not to mention that moron, make you this way, let them make you feel this way about yourself." He didn't want to bring up her parents just yet. Once he began to rub the circles on her back again Willow quieted her struggles and started to talk to him.
"You don't understand. I was this way before. I know what I am; I don't need them or anyone else to remind me of that. I see it every time I look in the mirror." Spike realized that she was talking to herself as much as to him. Willow's voice carried a bit of bitterness, but mostly it reflected that Willow believed what she said as the truth.
Spike just listened to what she had to say and shook his head. This was going to be harder than he thought. When she said those words, he could feel the self-loathing radiating off her. She believed every word she said.
"Okay. Maybe you did feel this way before. If that is really the truth, then tell me who made you feel this way," he said as he began to rub small, comforting circles on her back. Spike felt her relax against him. `She feels so soft and warm.' He felt his body absorbing the heat.
Willow felt herself relax as he continued to stroke small circles on her back. She was okay with this. `Don't panic,' that little voice in her head kept saying while another in her head was screaming, `This is too close.' Willow shifted in his arms and found her thigh rubbing against his semi-erect cock. And that is all it took to make Willow panic. She stepped out of his arms, putting some space between them.
Spike knew the moment she touched his cock that something was wrong. He felt her stiffen and then he felt her shame. Without another word she just stepped away from him.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked. Knowing all too well what was going on.
"No." She shook her head in addition to the statement.
He looked at her pensively for some time before he spoke. "There is nothing wrong with me finding you attractive. You know that right?" Spike made sure he kept his voice soft and low so he wouldn't frighten her any more. When she didn't respond to him he walked over to the cabinet where the liquor was stored. He pulled out the strongest stuff he could find and poured two glasses.
Willow was confused with the knowledge that he had been slightly turned on by touching her. `How could that have happened? What did I do wrong?' She hadn't meant to do that. `How did I do that? Maybe he was thinking of someone else; just hoping that I would shut up and leave him alone. I am such a fool.' Willow was rattled out of her thoughts when he placed a glass in her hand.
"What's this?" she asked, somewhat bewildered. "Something to calm you down so we can talk." Spike lifted his glass to his lips and let the liquor warm him. This was going to be a long night. He finished the glass and went to grab the bottle. Then he took Willow's hand and led her to the couch.
He pulled her down next to him and after he poured himself another glass he shoved the bottle between him and Willow in the crack of the couch cushions.
Willow relaxed when he put the bottle between them. It was a small gesture, but one nonetheless. He was respecting her space, and for that she was grateful. Willow lifted the glass to her lips. She could smell the liquor even before it burned her lips, but still she managed a weak sip.
Spike rolled his eyes. Just his luck it would only take the glass to get her smashed, but it would take the whole night to get it into her. `If that was the case then maybe I should drink faster. Kinda level things out a bit,' he thought as he downed his second glass.
Spike sat quietly next to her until she had finished half of her glass. He knew that it was not a bad thing to give her a few minutes just to settle in. Once she had relaxed more, he started his questions. Like why was the whole house void of any pictures of her or her parents. When was the first time her folks just took off and left her? At first, he had thought that her feelings for herself had started with her friends and than he had seen the house. Now he knew that her folks had more to do with it then her friends. Her friends had just furthered things along was all.
"Where are your folks? How long until they get back?" He asked, adding more of the liquor into both their glasses, which had thus far gone unnoticed by his drinking partner.
"Do you really care? It's not like you can bite them when they arrive home. Besides, I think this time it is a six or eight month hiatus. " She knew that she was being mean, but something about Spike made her forget that he was a demon. And maybe she needed to remind them both of what their situation was before she lost sight of what was going on.
"Luv, you wound me." His voice was soft and smooth. She was angry and hurting, even he could see that. Didn't mean he cared, but he could see it. She wanted to hurt someone else just like she was hurting, strike out at someone. He could do that for her, give her a reason.
"You know, if I was you I wouldn't be pushing away the one person that seems to be here for you right now." His voice was firm. Willow couldn't help it; the laughter broke the barrier of her lips before she had time to register it in her mind. It sounded cold and hollow in the silence of the room. She turned to Spike. Her eyes found his.
"I don't need for you to be here for me. And don't try and pretend that you are here for me. You don't care about me. You care about getting what ever it is in your head that stops your bite out. You care about where your next meal is coming from. Don't try and kid me. I know what you are and what you are here for. What I don't know is . . ." She stopped in mid-rant when she saw his eyes start to flicker yellow and flutter shut. Willow would have sworn that just as his eyes closed that she had heard him groan.
Willow hadn't even gotten two words out of her mouth when Spike felt the anger hit him. It had been so intense, so fresh, wave after wave. He knew that he was about to lose control of the demon. He shut his eyes in order to keep it from escaping further. The demon swayed in tune with the rhythm of her anger as it washed over him during her little speech. He knew she had stopped talking, but he couldn't seem to focus. Her emotions hung in the air like some old bat's expensive perfume. It was hard for him not to be lulled into a trance by it. It just clung to the air, tempting his darker side to emerge and seduce her. Claim her.
"Spike . . .?" Willow knew that something was wrong when he started shaking his head.
Spike tried to shake the fog from his mind. The liquor had only strengthened the emotions, erasing the meager barricades that she had erected. She was not able to hold anything back. He had felt it when he had made her angry. Now he was wondering what else he would feel if he brought out more emotions.
Spike opened his eyes once he had himself back under control. "Then tell me Willow, if you don't need me, why am I here? Why didn't you accept the invite from your friend to go out? Why, the other night, did I have to hold you while you cried? Where were your friends then?"
Willow just sat there. He had called her Willow and it had sounded like heaven tumbling from his lips. She forgot her anger and just looked at him. `How could one word erase my pain?'
"I don't know." She hung her head. `What do I tell him? Do I tell him that they don't feel like friends right now? That I am hurting and want to hurt. Can I tell him that I feel like it is all my fault? Everything is my fault; Oz wouldn't have left if I had been enough for him. Do I tell him that I know what I am? What I am worth?' Instead of saying anything more she just sat there holding her glass and staring at the liquor like it would give her the answers she needed.
After about an hour, and five more glasses, Spike watched Willow finish her first glass that he had been refilling when she wasn't paying enough attention to notice. Spike smiled when she asked for more. When she looked up at him, her face carried just a twinge of red and her eyes were kinda dazed. Willow licked her lips when he finished pouring her glass. Spike reached out and touched her cheek.
"What are you?" he asked. He had been waiting for the right moment to ask. Willow was drunk enough now that he might get an answer.
Willow felt her eyes drift close when he touched her face. Then he spoke, and when the words reached her brain her eyes popped open. She blurted out the first thought that came to her mind.
"Pizza. I mean do you eat pizza? I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat." Without waiting for him to answer she jumped up and went to make the phone call.
Spike just sat there watching her. It seemed as if she would do anything to avoid answering that one little question. `Hmm, I wonder if she would really do anything to not answer that question.' A smile settled on his face and he stood. `Time to find out. I `m a vampire, after all. I have needs.'
Spike walked up behind Willow. He waited for her to finish ordering the pizza. Once she hung up the phone he closed in: an arm on each side holding her in place, but not too tightly; he did want her to be able to turn around.
Willow spun around and came face to face with Spike. She froze. He had this look in his eyes that she had never seen before. It made her knees weak and her breath cling to the back of her throat.
Spike leaned in, pressing his body against hers. He dipped his face into her neck and inhaled her scent.
"What are you?" he whispered against her neck.
Willow was confused. There was something about him that got to her. She wanted to tell him, but she knew she couldn't. It was her deepest, darkest secret. If she told him what she was then she would never be able to deny him anything, ever again. He would have touched a part of her that no one had seen before. Then when he hurt her, like everyone else had, where would that leave her?
Spike could almost feel her mind working. She was thinking about it, but if she were going to tell him it wouldn't be now. So he thought he would give her something else to think about. He leaned back just enough to look her in the eyes.
"I see it in your eyes. You don't want to tell me. So being the good sport that I am, I will make you a deal." Spike moved toward her lips before the thought to bolt even entered the liquor induced fog that clouded her mind. Placing a soft kiss on the edge of her lips, he said, "I won't ask you anymore questions if you let me shag you." He kissed his way to her ear, nibbling on it gently while he waited for an answer.
Willow felt his lips brush against hers and was relived. He wasn't going to pressure her for an answer. His lips felt good against hers. `Could I really just sleep with him?' She had only ever been with Oz, and that had just been a few times, and only because they were in love. Or so she had thought . . .
"Well luv, what's it going to be: 20 questions or a little old roll in the hay?" he mumbled against her neck as he nipped and kissed his way to the sensitive spots she didn't even know that she had.
Willow knew he was playing with her. He was evil after all . . . which would explain the rotten deal: either expose her body to him, or her soul. She chose her body; that she could live through. Willow laced her fingers in the short hairs at the back of his neck and pulled his lips to hers.
Spike was not really surprised that she was willing to kiss him to keep from answering the question, but would she go farther still? He moved one hand around to her back, brining her closer, pressing her body flush against his. His other hand pushed her hair out of her face. He wanted to be able to see her skin as it became flushed with passion that he created in her.
"So you are telling me that you would rather let me shag you senseless then tell me what you think you are?" He asked once he broke the kiss.
"Yes." She answered quickly before she kissed him again, stopping all the chatter.
Willow closed her eyes and gave into the feelings. This was definitely better than talking about herself. One of his hands was in her hair and the other that had been at her back slipped down to cup her ass, grinding her against his hardening cock. She was surprised that it felt so good to be held like this by him. Maybe he had been right when he'd said, `You do realize that I know more about heartbreak and betrayal than anything else. I might be just what you need to take care of this little problem you are having.' Maybe he was just what she needed.
Willow heard Spike groan as pulled away from her. She didn't know why until she heard the doorbell ring again. She went to answer it.
When Spike pulled away from her he could tell that she had
been disappointed. She hadn't wanted it to end. Her hair was tussled
and her shirt was ruffled from where his hand had been exploring.
The top button of her jeans was open and they were slightly unzipped.
`Bloody door bell. Five more seconds and I would have been
in her pants.' He wasn't looking forward to what would happen if she
had any more time to think about this. And he wouldn't have been
amused to see the small pout that had formed on his face. Willow had
never looked more appealing to him than she did now. He could smell
himself on her skin, and he wanted that, and more.
Willow answered the door and gave the pizza boy money for the food.
She shut the door and turned around. Spike took her breath away. His eyes seemed to burn a hole in her with the promise of physical pleasures that he could show her. She watched as he moved toward her, taking the pizza from her hands and dropping it on the floor.
"You don't need that. I'll give you everything you need," he huskily whispered as he pinned her to the door.
Willow found herself pushing back into him as he showed her where he wanted her legs. He may have started to lift her legs, but they locked around him of their own free will. His face was buried in her neck and he was raining soft nips and kisses along her throat. Willow found herself grinding down against him. She thought for a second that her world was moving until she heard Spike growl again.
Someone was knocking on the door.
"Get rid of them and meet me upstairs in my room. You've got five minutes." He grabbed the pizza off the floor and walked up the stairs. His tone had been soft, but there was no mistaking that it had been a demand. She wondered why that seemed to make her that much more compelled to comply.
Willow opened the door and found Xander standing on the front porch.
"Hey, Wills." He flashed her that shy smile that he had been showing her since their first day of first grade.
"Xander." Willow said nervously as she glanced behind her. "What do you . . . what are you doing here?"
That was when Xander noticed the way she looked. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were hardly on her.
"What is going on, Wills?" He stepped up to the door, but she didn't move to let him in.
"Nothing is going on. I was just getting ready to take a bath and go to bed." Willow glanced over her shoulder again.
"Oh." Xander said and stepped back. "I just thought I would stop by and see if you are okay. I've been worried about you." He had hoped that his concern for her would earn him an invite inside of the house. Instead she moved to block the door opening more.
"I am fine. I will talk to you later. I need to stop my water before the tub over flows," she said somewhat distractedly.
"Yeah, okay," he said not convinced that she was telling him the truth, but since Oz had left she had been acting weird. So decided to let it go for now, but he would stop back later to see if she was acting any better.
"Okay. Bye." Willow closed the door. She didn't know how long that took, but she was sure it had been close to the five minute mark. Willow turned and headed up the stairs. She didn't want to take longer then a few minutes to get rid of Xander. Nobody but her knew that Spike was back in town. Willow knew that if she didn't go up the stairs that Spike would come back down, and Xander was the last person she wanted to see Spike in her parents' house alone with her.
After Spike had kidnapped Willow for the love spell to win Dru back, Xander had been over to her house one night so she could help him with his homework and he had found her dairy. He had been only joking about reading it but as he was flipping the pages he had come across the page where Willow had talked about what happened while Xander was unconscious. How Spike had showed his love for Dru
and how the redhead might not mind if someone loved her like that. Xander had been furious at her for it. He had made the point clear that he did not understand and would not understand no matter what she said on the matter. And right now Spike made her feel something other then just pain. Unlike when she was around Buffy and Xander. They were happy in their lives right now and when they looked at her, Willow could see the pity in their eyes.
Xander stood on the porch and waited for Willow's bedroom light to come on. He stood there for almost ten minutes. When the light didn't come on he knew something was up. He and Willow had been friends longer than he had been friends with anyone, and he knew when something was wrong with his best friend. Willow was a bad liar; that was for sure. It also didn't help his suspicions the way she looked when she answered the door. Someone was in the house with her and she was willingly covering for who ever it was. And that just wasn't like Willow. Xander didn't know for sure what was going on, but he was going to find out. It was time to go to Giles and Buffy with his suspicions. Had Willow lied to them all about why Oz had left? Was she messing around on the side with someone other than Oz again? Had the wolf finally had enough and taken revenge with the she-wolf before he left? He hoped not, but maybe that was who was in the house with her. That would explain why she wouldn't let him in.
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